Jardin

Here are some pictures from the side-yard Wisteria this year...it is so beautiful! Nora, enjoy =)

And a little story below...

I have never been much of a gardener. What's the use? The Jansens have Dad and Nora for that. =) Nonetheless, I decided to plant Wheatgrass two weeks ago, because supposedly the extracted juice has essential vitamin and minerals in it that is good for you...so, I am happy to say that I planted the Wheatgrass seeds, made sure they got plenty of sunlight and water, and lo and behold, the grass grew! (The Wheatgrass in this picture is a little floppy because it needs some more water, but don't worry, I'm on it!) This little experiment has boosted my confidence that perhaps I can grow other things, too. I wonder what I'll do next?

There is a River

13 days till the long, 21-credit semester is over. God has been faithful, He is being faithful, and I know He will be faithful as I take multiple tests and write papers during the next two weeks. I don't think I have ever felt as weak as I have this Spring, yet there is this pure joy I am finding in the fact that God's power is being made perfect in my weakness. He is writing my story. As the author, He is even perfecting my faith! What a mystery. What a divine mercy. To be wholly refined in His blaze of fire is not easy, but it is so satisfying. I found Psalm 46 to be so comforting this morning.

"God is our refuge and strength,an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore, we will not fear...There is a river whose streams make GLAD the city of God,the holy place where the Most High dwells.God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day...Be still, and know that I am God;I will be exalted among the nations,I will be exalted in the earth.The Lord Almighty is with us;the God of Jacob is our fortress."

Spurgeon said of verse 4,
"Divine grace, like a smoothly flowing, fertilizing, full, and never-failing river, yields refreshment and consolation to believers. This is the river of the water of life...The streams...shall make glad the city of God, by assuring the citizens that Zion's Lord will unfailingly supply all their needs. The streams are clear, cool, fresh, abundant, and gladdening. In seasons of trial all-sufficient grace will be enable us to endure to the end."

Spring Days

The Streets of Philly

Philly, Friday April 13
A yummy decaf cappachino before the King Tut Exhibit across the street at 10.

Ally, Elise, Casey and I in a life-size human heart! We all agreed it was the best field trip our mothers ever took us on, even at ages 19, 20 and 21 respectively.
Nora's Surprise Visit home for Godspell weekend...Mom was quite shocked.

Winter won't go away! I took this picture last Saturday morning right after it had snowed.

930 Club--Matt Kearney concert on Monday night!

Out on the Town...

DINNER DATE WITH MY BROTHER:
One of the fun aspects of working in DC this semester has been discovering all the fun shops and restaraunts in the area. Last night, Peter treated me to a delicious meal at this Northern Italian Rest., where our friend Sung is a waiter. Treated like royalty, Sung gave each of us a complimentary drink--Peter, champagne, and me, a raspberry liquer with sparkling wine. I went with Sung's suggestions for most of my meal because he was so adament about how good these dishes were. And it WAS good. So good that I felt a little sick afterwards because of the intense richness of main course pasta dish. But hey, what's a great food experience without a little butter?! =)

antipasto
Imported Buffalo mozzarella with oven roasted tomatoes, fresh oregano
and an anchovy-garlic sauce

first-course
Olive and thyme flavored pappardelle with a local lamb ragu and Jerusalem artichokes

main course
Lake Como Valley's traditional ravioli of aged ricotta and raisins, with butter, sage
and Parmesan sauce

dessert
Spicy Dark Chocolate Gelati with Prato's almond biscotti

Peter and I finished off the evening's activities with the Matt Kearney concert at the 930 Club with a bunch of other friends from Covenant Life.

I'm so grateful for God's provision in bringing me fun activities that help keep my mind off the mountain-high To Do List I have for school projects. Only 4 more weeks to go!

When I am an Old Woman, I Shall Wear Purple

This title is in dedication to my Oma, Neeltje Jacoba Van Leeuwen Jansen, who passed away 6 years ago today, on March 25, 2001. It's funny--the spring flowers seem to have just popped up this past week, and when I saw the purple ones blooming, it made me think of this silly t-shirt that she used to wear. It was bright purple, and had "When I am an Old Woman, I Shall Wear Purple" written across the front in white lettering. It made all of us laugh, but she got such a kick out of it...

Oma, whose middle name Jacoba I have inherited, meant so much to me. She lived in my neighborhood for most of my life, which enriched my childhood memories immensely. Flowers were one of her favorite things--there was never a time that her garden wasn't blooming with some daffodil, pansy, or tulip. Tulips, of course, are a huge part of Holland culture, and when she came on the boat to America at age 12, it seems that she brought that love with her to California, then DC, then Silver Spring, then Gaithersburg. More than anything, I appreciated the testimony of her trust in the Lord while fighting colon cancer for 2 years. One of the last things she ever said to me was, "Emily, just trust the Lord." Her simple, yet profound statement has crossed my mind time and time again these last 6 years, as I have faced my own difficult trials.

I can imagine what she would have done on such a beautiful Spring day like this. She would wake up, go to church, socialize with all her Christian Reformed Church (CRC) members, come home, throw on a comfortable outfit, and tend to her garden. She might putz around the yard, pulling up a weed or two from her flowers beds. After that, she might have rested for a bit, soaking in the warm rays of sunshine on her back patio. If she wanted a snack, she would have poured herself a glass of cranberry juice mixed with ginger ale, and munched on some Leiden Dutch cheese and Wheat-Thins. If she called us to come over, I probably would have walked the quarter-mile, through the park that backed up to her house, and met her out in the back yard. If it got late, she would have asked me to stay for dinner, and we just might have even played a competitive game of Scrabble, cheating and all. Oh, yes. Picking your letters was never a one-time "once and done." We all reached in the bag for a 're-draw' at one point or another. =) Ahh, yes. Sweet memories...

I am thankful for her life, today. I am thankful for spring weather and pretty flowers. I am thankful for a silly T-shirt with that the ridiculous phrase written on it. Perhaps, when I myself am an old woman, I shall wear purple. =)

STARR Graham Crackers

ok, so if you're like me, graham crackers and milk is still one of the best snacks there is to have. there's something about it that reminds me of my childhood and makes it sentimental. the crispy bite, the dipping into cold milk, the slight sweetness. ahh...but have you tried these?

i discovered this particular brand--STARR RIDGE-- at Balducchi's specialty grocery store last November when I had to make a last-minute stop for S'mores ingredients. They have now become my favorite. And even though they are quite expensive ($4 for an 8 oz. box), it is completely worth the splurge. They are cinnamon flavored, which makes them taste even more delicious. sometimes i take a little hunk of dark chocolate and add it on top...

try them sometime, on one of these last cold, March afternoons when all you want to do is curl up with a blanket, a good book, and a tasty little treat.

From Fear to Freedom: God's Daughter

I ended my last discussion of this topic with the thought that we can approach God at his throne of grace. I would like to begin here again, for the Gospel is a ministry of grace, and the truth and knowledge we gain from the Word is only made possible through the grace of Jesus Christ--He has not only won our hearts, but our adoption and freedom in the family of God.

John 1:12-13 says: "Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God--children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband's will, but born of God."

I demand many rights on a daily basis, from other people and myself, but how often do I pray back THIS promise of God? Christ gave me the right to become a child of God. Note, He does not mean here that we were deserving of being saved; rather, He is speaking of a bold faith that is possible because Christ's righteousness has covered our sins.

One of the things that Miller spells out in her transformation from a legalistic, defensive, self-righteous Orphan is that she realized she needed to change the object of her trust. Self-righteousness hindered her from that holy boldness, because she could only see her failures and mistakes. Trusting herself was a disappointment, and led to an orphanhood of isolation from God and others. Thus, Condemnation became the one drop of ink that ruins a whole glass of water, for as she condemned herself, she also began to condemn others. Judging them was a natural to her as judging herself.

As the Lord led her through this process of seeing the depths of her self-righteousness, God's unconditional love became clear. Indeed, knowing that she was the worst sinner brought to a humble amazement at God's mercy and love. Even as trials came, God helped Miller to grow in her heart-knowledge of the tender, sovereign ways of the Father. The chains of Fear were slowly broken, and the beauty of God's glory led her down a new path of 'daughtership'.

Ephesians 1:5 says, "In LOVE he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will--to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves."

To know that I am God's daughter is an incredible truth that breaks through our slavery to ourselves. Quoting Miller, it builds my "assurance of God as Father through knowledge of the doctrine of the Cross."
It also allows us to rely on the Spirit of God for obedience and daily acknowledgment of the Lord's will for each moment. If I know that I am daughter, God calls me to forgive others and not revoke to defensiveness and judgment of them. A holy boldness stirs me to be faithful in prayer, because I know I have a heavenly Father above who is eager and willing to hear, and answer my requests; at the same time, this holy boldness does not demand from God the exact answer to my desires, but trusts in a "plan not to be feared". Lastly, my adoption into Christ's family of believers gives me the privilege of constant intercession with the Lord for forgiveness and cleansing when I do sin and 'fall short'.

Miller ends her book with none other than the brilliant Martin Luther:

"Say thou: "O Law, thou wouldest climb up into the kingdom of my conscience, and there reprove it of sin, and take from me the joy of my heart, which I have by faith in Christ, and drive me to desperation that I may be without hope, and utterly perish. Keep within thy bounds, and exercise thy power upon the flesh: for I am baptized, and by the gospel am called to the partaking of righteousness and everlasting life."

Isn't God's glorious grace to his daughters and sons-- displayed, revealed, and made complete at the Cross of Christ-- simply amazing?! Let us continually live in this unconditional love...for we are Joint-heirs with Christ if we have confessed our sins and believed in His finished work.

The Love of Jesus

"My heart melts at the love of Jesus, my brother, bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh, married to me, dead for me, risen for me; He is mine and I am his; given to me as well as for me; I am never so much mine as when I am his, or so much lost to myself until lost in him; But my love is frost and cold, ice and snow; Let his love warm me, lighten my burden, be my heaven; May it be more revealed to me in all its influences that my love to him may be more fervent and glowing; Let the mighty tide of his everlasting love cover the rocks of my sin and care; Then let my spirit float above those things which had else wrecked my life. Make me fruitful by living to that love, my character becoming more beautiful every day. If traces of Christ's love-artistry be upon me, may he work on with his divine brush until the complete image be obtained and I be made a perfect copy of him."

Valley of Vision, "The Love of Jesus"

From Fear to Freedom: The Spiritual Orphan

"Sometimes I wake up and I feel like...an orphan." Huh? You probably weren't expecting that one. We feel tired, grumpy, maybe even stressed for all that the day will entail. But, rarely do we consider the possibility of this word: Orphan. Usually, this is associated with a child who has lost both his or her parents. Well, continuing in the story from my last post, Miller's thesis is that on a spiritual level, we often act like that abandoned, lonely, perhaps afflicted child that says "Ohh, poor me."
Miller lists a number of outworkings of the orphan's mentality:

--"I am more sinned against than sinning."
--Intense self-analysis, guilt, anxiety
--'I help everyone else, but I don't seem to get any help in return.'
--Outward Performance, such as a devotion to duty
--"I don't get any help" (self-pity)
--refusing the Holy Spirit's promptings (Hebrews 3:12-13)
--"The humble-sufferer" who must deal with emotional pain by yourself
--Hopelessness

According to Miller, these evidences come from a heart that is easily self-condemned. Why does this happen? Essentially, it is because we have gotten the recipe for faith wrong. She says, "Presumptive self-confidence may look like faith, but it has a very different spiritual root (Jer 17:5-10). Faith and presumption look alike because qualities are characterized by confidence...presumption is a reliance on human moral abilities and religious accomplishments, on visible securities. It ultimately relies on human will power to serve God and people...a mix of presumption and faith produces a personal instability that surfaces in crises and major life transitions...presumptive faith...must have positive circumstances and feelings of success based on visible accomplishments." (Miller, 1994, p. 16).

Yesterday night, I acted like a spiritual orphan. My homework To-Do list didn't get accomplished, and I was disappointed. My presumptive faith was a devotion to duty, and I expected God to "bless" me according to my standard of what blessing would have looked like--everything checked off. Surprise!! Religious moralism is a religion of control, and not redemption (p. 33). It is the false hope of self-righteousness. It ignores and doubts the power of the Spirit to accomplish in me all that God wills. I was so surprised as I read this book how often Miller went back to the idea of righteousness in Christ. If I would simply humble myself before God and acknowledge my nothingness, my complete unrighteousness without Christ, I would be able to have real faith.

Here is the difference: The faith that sees God's love as unconditional lives in hope because Christ's righteousness for me was won on the Cross; the faith that expects God to tilt the universe in my favor as I keep his laws cannot believe that God desires to, and must bless (p. 33). The latter is the how the Pharisee lives, and the former is how a genuine CHILD of the heavenly FATHER lives.

The apostle Paul paints such clear pictures of being a child of God in the book of Romans:
"Christ is the end of the law so that there may be righteousness for everyone who believes." (10: 4)

And then in Hebrews, I find so much encouragement from this scripture: "For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are--yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us sin our time of need."

Where do I find righteousness? Christ. How can I approach a perfectly righteous God? Because Jesus was without sin. Where do I go this morning to find help for all the things I have to do today? The throne of grace.

From Fear to Freedom: The Story

Romans 8: 12-17

"Therefore, brothers, we have an obligation--but it is not to the sinful nature, to live according to it. For if you live according ot the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live, because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship (adoption). And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs--heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory."

This scripture has become a precious gem of life to me this month. It has slowly begun to transform my entire view of the Christian life. It is reshaping my understanding of what it means to be a justified sinner. It is gradually releasing me from the bondage of lies I have believed about God, myself and others. Praise God--He is slowly drawing me out of a "slave" or "orphan" mentality and lifestyle, and drawing me into the loving presence of His kingdom! It is one thing to read of God's family; it is another thing to take ownership of that truth and realize that YOU are in fact that unworthy sinner who has been accepted into His holy family. Around Christmastime, I felt the Lord impress on my heart to study the topic of Legalism vs. Grace. While searching my Grandmother's bookshelf on Christmas day, I came across a book called "From Fear to Freedom: Living as Sons & Daughters of God" by Rose Marie Miller. Its questions on the back immediately caught my eye. It said: "Do you:

--hate feeling "out of control"?
--work hard at being a moral person?
--build emotional "walls" in your relationships?
--do what's expected of you but then resent it?
--feel overloaded with guilt because you just can't love others?"

Check. Check. Check. Check. Check.

I brought the book home with me, showed it to my Mom, told her how excited I was about reading it. Then, I found out that it was, in fact, a book my Mom had borrowed a while ago from Rondi Lauterbach, a close family friend. Rondi had loaned it to my Mom, who read it, loaned it to my Grandma, and forgotten to give it back to Rondi when they moved out to San Diego a couple years ago. All this time, it has been on my Grandma's shelf, and now it has made its way back to me. So, not only does the book itself have a special story, but it has also been an instrument of creating a new spiritual story in my life this past month. I have read many spiritual books in my lifetime, and I can say without a doubt that this book has become one of those life-changing instruments that God uses to dramatically open His children's eyes to the reality of the Gospel.

A month of in-depth study regarding the topics of legalism, grace, condemnation, fear, freedom in Christ, particularly within the book of Romans and Galations, has been precious. And I would like to share with you the truths that God has revealed to me because of His mercy, by His grace, and ultimately for His glory. For, it is His truth that sets us free!

To give you a taste of what is to come, here are few of the mental attitudes that an "orphan" has towards himself and God: (Miller, 1994).

--Life consciously or unconsciously is centered on personal autonomy and moral will power, with grace understood as God's maintaining your own strength--not as his transforming power.

--Faith is defined as trying harder to do and be better, with a view to establishing a good record leading to self-justification.

--Obedience is related to external, visible duties, with attitudes and deeper motivation virtually ignored

--"What people think" is represented as the real moral standard, based upon visible success and failure.

--An I-am-a-victim attitude is supported by coping strategies, wall-building, blame shifting, gossiping, and defending.

--All this is accompanied by intense feelings of aloneness, believing that no one understands and that one is trapped by circumstances.

I am looking forward to sharing with you all in the weeks to come! It is truly a miracle of grace when God reveals powerful truth that re-shapes and molds us closer towards His very heart.

(Click on the Title of this post to view the book on Amazon...)

simple january days

Working: My new internship in DC has been a blessing--not only is it paid and worth 3 school credits, but I am enjoying meeting new people and learning PR skills that will serve me when I get out of school.

Music: leon fleisher's rendition of the Nocturne in D-Flat Major (Op. 27, No. 2) is amazing...I have been listening to it at work these past two weeks. even if you don't like classical music, just try listening to this mellow, peaceful music and you will be a convert.

Eating: Stella's bakery on rockville pike w/ Mom yesterday was so wonderful...we each got a decaf cap made w/ Illi espresso and then we split these 4, tiny treats: a pistachio biscotti, baklava, a sugar cookie, and an ameretto Italian almond cookie.

Reading: it is 800 pages, (I'm only around pg. 100!) set in the early 1800's in England, and involves sophisticated characters, magic, and the backdrop of the Napoleonic wars.

my well-loved Mazuno running shoes:
I have been enjoying cold, brisk walks outside, and warm, Fitness First classes inside!

Looking: A beautiful, mellow January sunset. I took this picture from the top of our roof...

Flower arranging: Lauren Lotinsky and I did this for the 10:31 youth banquet on january 13

Photography: winter berries, some alive & full, some dead & shriveled

Ollie Bollen-A Dutch Tradition

father-daughter special time

the proud "fryers"

this was taken without the cinnamon-sugar, but don't worry, we didn't forget to put it on!

(sing to the tune of "America"):
"Oh, Fryer, oh Fryer, we love what you can do.
But we will pay, later this day, if we don't stop at two!"

well, computer problems hindered me from posting earlier this week on the fun we had over new years', but finally i can tell you about it.

"Ollie Bollen". essentially, this means "oil balls" in Dutch. they are airy doughnuts filled with raisins, currants, and little chunks of green apple, which you drop into the deep fat fryer and then shake in a brown lunch bag with cinnamon-sugar. this New Year's Day tradition started a long time ago when my Oma used to have all of her children and grandchildren over to her home. we would walk inside her back door to smell that greasy, but utterly appealing, aroma of the doughnuts being fried. i remember hearing the sizzle of the hot oil and rushing down the wooden steps to see my Oma standing over the old washer and dryer with her big apron on, metal tongs in hand. when the Ollie Bollen turned that perfectly, toasted brown, we set them onto brown grocery bags to cool; then, with very generous, enthusiastic shaking of the closed lunch bag, we coated them in the cinnamon sugar. to say the least, it was, and has remained, a wonderful Dutch family tradition that I cannot wait to share with my own family someday.


in those days, it wasn't really a big problem to pound down four or five. but, alas, it isn't very safe to do that anymore. thankfully, i was able to control myself a bit more this past week. i think my sister Nora's doughnuts turned out a bit better, (mine were too dense), but i dare say we had more fun. =) who knows? maybe we'll have to start Ollie Bollen contests in the years to come! As you can see, here are a few pictures from our time together. many thanks to all my friends who came over to support us in our frying adventure.

"The Twelve Joys of Christmas"

Blues Alley in Georgetown--Hearing the Ahmad Jamal Trio

Nora's Coconut Macaroons

The Stocking Stuffers

Seeing my sister every day for just about 2 weeks

Admin. Team Christmas Party

From Left: Mary, Katie, Rachel, me, Christy, Elise

The fresh farm eggs that Nora brought with her on the plane!

Family Game Night: Nora and I got the giggles and lost it...

Fresh Lemon and Sun-Dried Tomato Pasta sent from my friend Brittany!

Traditional Christmas Eve Picture

Wet faces from a walk in the rain Amazing coffee that Travis and Nora ordered from their honeymoon location in Hawaii

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

Prepare Him Room

Christmastime is a time of 'preparing room'. Shopping, cookie-baking, special parties, holiday decorating, wrapping, thinking about years of Christmas memories, traveling to visit with family and friends...these are all ways we open up space in our budgets, our stomachs, our schedules, and our hearts. Some of us do it a bit earlier than most (I think Nora finished her Christmas shopping in October), and others wait until the last few days of holiday frenzy (the boys went out yesterday, lists in hand!) But whether you are a super-efficient Christmas expert, or a spontaneous last-minute spaz, it doesn't really matter. The holiday spirit comes upon you whether you are ready or not. I finally joined the bandwagon two days ago when I finished my school finals.

Our family has our own traditional sense of preparing room, too. We like to prepare room for Bing Crosby's rendition of "Chesnuts Roasting..." in our c.d. player; we make time to watch "White Christmas"; we enjoy special Dutch treats like streup waffle cookies and spiced, sugared pecans; and best of all, we listen to my Mom reading "The Best Christmas Pageant Ever" out loud while we all laugh until our sides hurt. This year has also been unique--in a literal sense, I 'prepared room' for Nora and Travis, who have come home from Arizona for 10 days to spend their 1st Christmas as a married couple with us. As I emptied shelves in my closet, cleaned, and switched over to the single bed in Brett's room, I smiled at the thought of how 'preparing room' at Christmas often takes joyful sacrifice as well. But this one is definitely worth it---it is SO good to have the family all together again!

Yet, how easy it is to forget to prepare room for the one person that really matters: Jesus Christ, the Son of God. When Joseph and Mary knocked on the door of the Inn, there was 'no room' and so the door was shut. Will I open the door of my heart yet, so that He may enter? Have I taken the time to consider why we sing "Let ev'ry heart prepare Him room"? Christmas can so quickly become focused on the presents, the food, the expectations, the wants, the needs, the costs, the worries...but Jesus has only asked for one thing. He has asked us to prepare room for Him in our hearts, so that He may enter it and give us LIFE.

In John 20: 19-26, Jesus says "Peace be with you!" three times. This is in response to the disciples locking up their doors because they were afraid of the Jews in the days following His death on the Cross. I love the fact that locked doors--whether physical or spiritual--does not stop the Prince of Peace from bringing good gifts to us. And the gifts He offers to us are priceless, of eternal value, and more satisfying than any 'thing' inside a wrapped box. Even when we doubt, like Thomas (vs. 25), Jesus declares peace to us and asks us to "stop doubting and believe." And then there is such a wonderful promise that He offers: "blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed".

Oftentimes, we do not know how He wants to meet us, or what we are preparing Him room to do in us, but we may rest assured that there is the blessing of PEACE as we make room for Him in every aspect of our life.

God Incarnate

Immanuel, meaning "God with us" (Matthew 1:23)

Normal nazarene (Isaiah 53:2)

Christ, the Consolation of Israel (Luke 2:25)

Anointed by the Spirit (Matthew 3:17)

Road of the redeemer to the Cross (Gal 3:13)

Night: born in Bethlehem (Luke 2:8)

and would die in Jerusalem (Luke 23:44)

Appeared and will appear again (Titus 2:13)

Treasured by Mary in her heart (Luke 2:19)

Eternal God (1 John 1)

"The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and they will call him IMMANUEL--which means, "God with us"...

"He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him"...

"Now there was a man in Jerusalem called Simeon, who was righteous and devout. He was waiting for the CONSOLATION of Israel, and the Holy Spirit was upon him. It had been revealed to him by the Holy Spirit that he would not die before he had seen the Lord's Christ"...

"At that moment heaven was opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and lighting on him. And a voice from heaven said, "This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased"...

"Christ REDEEMED US from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us...He redeemed us in order that the blessing given to Abraham might come to the Gentiles through Christ Jesus, so that by faith we might receive the promise of the Spirit"...

"And there were shepherds living out in the field nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at NIGHT"...

"It was now about the sixth hour, and darkness came over the whole land until the ninth hour, for the sun stopped shining. And the curtain of the temple was torn in two. Jesus called out with a loud voice, "Father, into your hands I commit my spirit." When he had said this, he breathed HIS LAST"...

"While we wait for the blessed hope--the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good"...

"When they [the angels] had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. But Mary TREASURED up all these things and pondered them in her heart"...

"That which was FROM THE BEGINNING, which we have heard, which we have seen with our eyes, which we have looked at and our hands have touched--this we proclaim concerning the Word of life. The life appeared; we have seen it and testify to it, and we proclaim to you the eternal life, which was with the Father and has appeared to us. We proclaim to you what we have seen and heard, so that you also may have fellowship with us. And our fellowship is with the Father and with his Son, Jesus Christ.

'I write this to make your joy complete' as you celebrate the Christmas season this year!

A Cam Jansen Thanksgiving

No, Cam is not a relative of mine. Cam Jansen is an amazing sleuth who has a photographic memory. When I was little, I read her books and wanted to be like her. She would look at a scene, close her eyes, go click with her memory, and save the photograph in her head. Then, she would be able to solve all these really cool mysteries, like the one of the "Missing Cookie" or of the "UFO".

The reason for a Cam Jansen Thanksgiving? Peter and I were taking pictures with my Dad's digital camera and there was a "sim" card error which resulted in losing all of the 50+ Thanksgiving shots I had taken throughout the day. To say the least, I was pretty upset. But, as we know, pictures are only pictures, and sometimes it's best to "remember" a special day in our head rather than on special paper. So, I decided to make a click like Cam into my own memory. Ok, so maybe a bit cheesy, but hey! Sometimes you do what you have to do.

I will remember my 21st birthday as not only being on the national day of giving thanks, but also because I got to share it with two other incredible women whose birthdays were also that week. As we each got to open a gift from my Grandma at the same time, it struck me that the three of us all have 2 things in common.

First, we share a passion for writing and books. My great-Aunt Maggie has been writing for years and is an aspiring author who has taught me much about what good writing really looks like. Louise Stark is a lady who has spent the holidays with my Mom's side of the family for over 15 years. She was my uncle's childhood librarian who passed on a love for reading to him. It was neat to think that whether words are merely on sheets of paper, or bound together and placed on shelves, we all have been affected by them in our 21 years, seventy-something years, or even 80+ years.

Secondly, we are all beneficiaries of my Grandma's generosity and thoughtful gift-giving. My great-Aunt Maggie loves leather jackets, so she received a brand new one that she will enjoy when she rides on the back of her son's motorcycle. Mrs. Stark, who is elderly and often in much pain, received a cozy, fleece wrap that will keep her warm and comfortable at her assisted living home. And I received a check from my Grandma that went towards getting my hair cut and highlighted. But the best part was not opening my gift; when these two women opened their gifts and my Grandma's smile revealed her delight in being the giver of these gifts, I quickly realized it was time to click something into my memory. The ooohhhs and ahhhs of Mrs. Stark, and the powerful silent smile of my Aunt Maggie, revealed to me that God has given my Grandma a gift of extending His love to others. Through her generosity, God's generosity is displayed; through her thoughtfulness, God's specific care for each individual can be considered. I thought to myself, How can I learn from my Grandma's example and be more like her in this new year of my life?

Thus, I decided that though I won't have 50 pictures of Thanksgiving day or even a few of my 21st birthday, this 1 mental picture is worth more than all of them. Even technological errors are sometimes a blessing in disguise, so if your camera or phone or computer or blackberry or iPod happens to break in the next few weeks, take a second to realize that there may be a really cool thing to learn in the midst of the inconvenience.

21

21 years ago on this day, the Lord brought me into the world at 5:43am. Somehow it doesn't surprise me that I woke up this morning around 6. *Sigh*. I am still an early bird after all these years. Speaking of birds, Happy Thanksgiving! As thousands of turkeys will grace the center of tables today across the country, I am so thankful to God for all of His bounty. Glory be to Him, not only for food and clothing and a roof over my head, but for forgiveness of sins, daily grace, and His perfect, sovereign providence over my life. This past year, He has been good. He has also been good for the last 21 years. Surely, just as the Apostle Paul asked of the Corinthians, what do I have that I did not receive? The simple answer is nothing. The Gospel, which has transformed my life forever at the moment Jesus reached out to save me, is the only thing I can and should boast of. And what a privilege to say that for 21 years, mercy has chased me, guarded me, provided for me, and sanctified me. In my desire to grasp these amazing truths, I chose to personalize the following psalm in my journal this morning. I pray that it encourages your heart as well!

Psalm 65 (modified):

'I am filled with the good things of your house, of your holy temple...
You care for me and water me;
The streams of God are filled with water to provide me with grain,
for that is how you prepare me.
You drench my furrows (faith deepened)
and level my ridges; (pride weakened)
You soften me with showers (surrender needed)
and bless my crops. (generosity undeserved)
YOU CROWN THE YEAR WITH YOUR BOUNTY,
and your carts overflow with abundance.
The grasslands of My desert overflow (your water into my dry heart)
My hills are clothed with gladness (your joy over difficult trials)
My meadows are covered with flocks

(The comforting flock of your people)
and My valleys are mantled with grain

(your all-satisfying love for my emptiness).'

Shifting Shadows

As i reflect on the last two weekends, it amazes me how sharp the contrast of feelings is between them.

the first i shared with my family in pure joy: my sister Nora came into town for four days of laughter, shopping, memories, cooking, running, family time, fellowship, and rest. it was a time of reflection on God's grace in the last year as she has made new roots in Arizona. Her visit was a precious gift of God to me, because it reminded me of how faithful God is to work in our lives no matter how unfaithful or sinful we are. as we recounted grace, we encountered new grace. i cannot wait for her and Travis to come over Christmas break for 10 days!

the second i shared with the Smith family in sorrow and mourning: their little boy Chase went home to be with the Lord on Monday afternoon around 4 o'clock, and yesterday my family and i supported Jon and Jenni at his memorial service with our tears, prayers, worship to God, love and hugs. never in my life have i witnessed such a glorious display of faith and trust in God our Savior. Jon and Jenni Smith have become some of my greatest spiritual heroes. and perhaps Chase was not given the gift of living even one full day here on earth, but his death has given many the priceless gift of cherishing the hope of heaven for multiple days. (go to http://the-smith-family.blogspot.com/ for their blog)

Praise God, for His steadfast character endures forever!

James 1: 17 says, "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows."

Whether our days are marked by changing joys or sorrows, let us draw near to the One who never has changed, is not changing, and never will change.

'Oh the Weather Outside is Fallish'

Trials and Temptations

James, a servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ, once said to the twelve tribes scattered among the nations:

"Consider it PURE JOY, my brothers, whenever you face trials of MANY KINDS, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must FINISH ITS WORK so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must BELIEVE and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind... Blessed is the man who perseveres UNDER TRIAL, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown
of life that God has promised to those who LOVE HIM."
~James 1:2-6, 12~

This wooden panel is of a house I saw in downtown Leesburg, VA last year. I like it because the wood is natural, rough, and raw. In a lot of ways, it reminds me of how God uses trials in our lives to 'sand us down' and smooth out our internal flaws and sharp edges. The past few months have been characterized by trials for many in my life and in the world. Yet, God is working skillfully as the craftman of the heart. And it is so cool to see what He is doing in His workshop.

My brother Peter's BMW was wrecked at Sugarloaf Mountain at the end of this summer. A true saint in our church--Kathy Bowers--went home to be with the Lord after battling cancer for a number of years. My Mom's back had a relapse two weeks ago because of the fickle weather and changing season. I dealt with a bad sinus infection for 2 weeks that laid me up for a while at the beginning of September. My sister Nora and brother-in-law Travis, who live in a ranch house owned by the Shanks, now have it up for sale and are praying for a new place to live. My younger brother's friend--Chris Maresco--badly broke his femur in a soccer game, had to have surgery, and spent close to a week in the hospital. Last weekend, a young guy named Ian Murphy from the Lord of Life Sovereign Grace church in Indiana, PA was in a horrible car accident that has left him in a coma; He miraculously opened his eyes the other day, despite severe skull injuries, a broken vertebrae, and fractured bones. Today, he is to undergo surgery for his knee and vertebral column.

Meanwhile, a dear little girl named Alivia Haughery continues to fight for life as she battles leukemia and her parents, James and Emily, work on a bone marrow fundraiser. Our dear friends, the Smiths, have approached the final month before their son Chase is born, who has a disease that will most likely cause him to die shortly after birth. In the world-- Amish children, shot and murdered. More American soldiers, killed in Iraq.

And little things count as trials, too: my friend's ankle that hurts, my left eye that keeps twitching, my Dad's nice bike that got stolen in August, my sister's physical adjustment to the Arizona climate, my battle over the same sins that I have been fighting for months...

Truly, trials of MANY KINDS. Isn't it amazing that our Sovereign God is aware of each one, cares intimately for every individual it affects, and wisely acts out His will in love?? This new fall season, perseverance has become impressed upon me in a unique way. Allowing God to finish His work within us is never a comfortable, relaxing thing; yet, as He sands me down more into the image of Christ, He promises the Crown of Life for those who stand the test! What hope the Gospel, the good news of the Cross, provides for us as believers!

But trials are REAL: they can be so bittersweet. Treading through them is tiring. They have a sneaky way of making me fear all sorts of things. My mind runs wild. My heart grows weary. My soul can even begin to despair, complain, and lose sight of the trustworthy Shepherd. Quite simply, they humble me, making me bow down low before an almighty Father and Lord in acknowledgment of my own frailty and lack of understanding. Yet, as I fight for joy, I pray that out of His abundant grace, He will equip me (and you!) to know that HIS grace is sufficient for me. For His power is made PERFECT in my weakness.

In the meantime, please continue to specifically pray for Ian Murphy, the Smith family, and the Haughery family!